New Tasks

Quoting from a book I found, on the “Secrets of a Happier Life”. I hope they are as “useful” in your pursuit of the “humoral arts” as they have been instructive in the simple pleasures obtained from bearing one’s arms and displaying the hints of what one has in their power to do, – the brief repetition of the author’s preface, beyond which We all must eventually travel.

  1. Destroy some one beautiful.
  2. Unspline a beloved book and dissect the text into pages.
  3. Puncture the tire of your neighbor.
  4. Feed poison to your neighbor’s dog.
  5. Send Europe back Her paintings, and England Her defector’s language.
  6. Colonize a neighboring city with the fruits of a new dialect.
  7. Decline a collegial admission from a prestigious notary, or quit somewhere in the middle once all you have left in your pocket is their secrets, and the feeling of guilt at ever as you should think to divulge them Publick.
  8. Turn off the Spellchecker that is killing your language and ending your momentous enlightenment.
  9. Count the number of “silent letters” in a statement you have made and see if you can spell out the name of some person against whom you have retained a bad-blood relation, and post it here, – if you should dare to.
  10. Feel better about your being so, and leave people like me the fuck alone.

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